I was in the bathroom, not alone, obviously, because I am a mother of small children. The bathroom alone is a luxury only afforded to those without small children and fathers. Fathers with small children manage to hold onto the luxury of using the bathroom alone.
Patronised By The Four Year Old
So I am sitting there and the boy is wandering around, asking for a hug, a drink and a some different toothpaste as the three varieties of toothpaste we have are not suitable, when he spots an award I won earlier this year for my website ( yay me!) in its box on the shelves. The following conversation ensued.
“Can I have that box” says the four-year old.
“No” says I, really wishing he would leave the room.
“Why not, I need it, what’s in it anyway?”
“An award I won”
Deathly silence. Then his eyes widen in his head.
“You won an award?” he asks incredulously.
“How, did You win a race?” he asks quite sneeringly. To be fair, he is right, I would never win a race.
So I explained what it was for. His eyes growing bigger and bigger.
“Wow Mammy, good girl”
“I cannot believe you actually won something”
” Did you really win it though?”
“But not for a race”
“No. Not for a race”
He leans back against the wall, processing this information and shaking his head.
“Wow Mammy, You’re a good girl, a very good girl”
” Do you actually work though?”
“I didn’t know that”
“Now you do”
Off he walks, muttering, good girl, good girl.
I remained, sitting on the toilet, feeling as patronised as I have ever felt.
Horrified By The Six Year Old
In walks the big girl aged 6
“Guess what Mammy?”
” I know what I am dressing up as for Halloween”
“I am wearing a bikini and heels” and off she marched.
I sat there, mouth open in horror ,alone at last, and wondering where did it all go wrong.
I am just waiting for the two-year to tell me that her life ambition is to leave school early, put in a stint as a Playboy Bunny and then marry well and we will have achieved the hat-trick of mini misogynist’s
Tomorrow I am replacing The Gruffalo with Germaine Greer for bedtime stories.