Month: May 2013

What All Men And Most Female Hairdressers Have in Common

6 Comments

Do you know what men and all ( male or female) hairdressers have in common?

The inability to grasp the concept of inches.

For example three inches is not six inches unless you are a man and/or a hairdresser.

I hadn’t had my hair cut in ages. My hair is always longish. The reason my hair is long is because when its long the weight of it drags it down and its not too full. I have a lot of hair. Actually scratch that, I used to have a lot of hair.

Last weekend I went to the hairdresser, hack it off, I told her. At least two-three inches please, I said. Four inches maximum, I said.

three inches

In hairdresser language this of course translated too take six or seven or eight inches off silly me.

She spent 49 minutes just cutting my hair. Chunks of over -coloured blonde locks were flying through the air. I was fine. That was fine. My hair needed it. Then she started muttering

“you’re so brave, you’re so brave”

Eh……..what the f***?? Was my obvious reaction.

The hairdresser went on to tell me most women come in and insist she only chops the ends of and they never agree to let her cut what needs to be cut. I started to get nervous at this stage.

Then she started cutting layers and cutting more and there was more over coloured blonde locks flying around the place.

Finally she was done cutting, then came the excessive blowdrying with several different brushes and then a ghd. The end result was fine. Shorter than short but fine because it had been professionally dried but I knew, I knew instantly what would happen.

Roll on Monday morning. No professional hairdresser in the house only me and my hairdryer and ten-year old ghd that hasn’t seen outside a drawer in years. Then my hair was not fine anymore. Now my hair is kind of a cross between a fuzzy Jennifer Aniston cut circa 1997 with Mushroom from Super Mario World with a little bit of aul -oneness thrown in.

mush

And do you know why because there seems to be a problem with over half the world population, most men regardless of profession and most members of the hairdressing profession ( maybe a slight exaggeration) they perceive three inches as six inches. Losers. Actually we are all losers as a result. That is the problem and now I have a bowler style type haircut. It wont fit into a pony tail. It has many layers.

Woe is me. Woe.

I shall be wearing a lot of hats for the next while. And clips. Lots of clips.

Why I Am Very Impressed With The Ferry

6 Comments

Last weekend myself and my family travelled to Wales with Stena Line from Rosslare in Wexford to Fishguard in South Wales. We had an early start on the Friday morning, minutes before we left the house, we lifted the children from bed and put them into the car in their pyjamas and threw a duvet over them. We set off , boot packed full (which was a real pleasure being able to bring anything we wanted with no ridiculous baggage allowance), before the sun came up in Dublin and arrived in Rosslare a little under two hours later. Whilst waiting to board the ship, the kids were able to get dressed in the car and have a snack.

Via Stenaline

Via Stenaline

Excitement was high and the kids were spellbound as the car drove into “the ships belly”. There was no hanging around and within minutes we were getting settled in the Stena Plus Lounge ( there is an additional charge for seats in this area but if travelling with kids, I would highly recommend it). The lounge was spacious and comfy and there was a small children’s area with a television, fridge stocked with juices and pictures and crayons. Tea/coffee/juice and snacks are all provided complimentary in the Stena Plus Lounge and we were able to sit back and relax, while the kids played. I got to read a full newspaper and magazine from cover to cover and  the kids were also able to borrow a Nintendo ds and a portable dvd player in the lounge allowing the husband and I to read and drink coffee and chill out. We also had breakfast here and it was reasonably priced and probably the best food we had all weekend. We went up on deck a couple of times on the insistence of the children and there was also a small play area on another deck but the we were happy to stay in the Stena Plus lounge for most of the time as it was so nice  just to be able to sit and relax.

I am a terrible flyer. I hate it and I am not usually a pleasant travelling companion. I am surprised my husband still agrees to holiday with me after some of my behaviour over the years ( I make him run to the plane to get my preferred seat, I snap instructions, I get off my head on valium and he is left with sole charge of the children) so it so lovely to actually enjoy the travelling part of our weekend break. The husband wouldn’t pose for a “Im King of the world photo’s” with me up on deck so here’s one of the kids ,windswept, instead

photo (35)

nor was there any opportunity for this what with travelling with the children and all

hand 1

In keeping with the Titanic movie theme  I really wanted to say to somebody  “Paint me like one of your French girls” but there was nobody who even vaguely resembled Leonardo Di Caprio on board  just bikers, retired couples and a couple of other families so I made do with repeating any line I could think of from movies about boats to my husband instead and humming Celine Dion. His head wasn’t wrecked in the slightest.

The sailing took 3.5 hours and was thoroughly enjoyable as was the return trip. I was genuinely impressed with everything, the staff could not have been more helpful – at one stage I looked over to see my five year old asked the Stena Plus lounge manager how to get onto the next level on his Nintendo game and the manager was  leaning down assisting him- it was just so ridiculously stress free in a way I never imagined travelling with a 3, 5 and 7  year old could be. When funds allow, our next holiday will be somewhere on a ferry route, its the perfect way to travel with kids. Top marks Stena Line.

Stena Line have a number of special offers on at the minute and you can also use Tesco Clubcard vouchers towards the cost you can see all their routes and offers at www.stenaline.ie

We travelled on to Bluestone National Park in Wales and I will add a review of here later this week.  Please note Stena Line provided me with a free return Stena plus trip but I have not been paid for this review and all opinions are my own. 

Summertime – When Garden Birds Have A Better Sex Life Than You………

11 Comments

Bright evenings, occasional sunshine, slightly reduced heating bills, Summer, in the main, is good. I like Summer or rather I like most things about Summer. Then are the things that bother me about this season. Some irrational ,some not so much.

sunshine

  • The crushing disappointment that for every one day of sunshine there are thirteen days of rain and that even though we know this is going to happen, there is always the sliver of hope that this will be the year we get a good Summer then the rain pisses all over that hope.
  • The smell of BBQ, I like the occasional BBQ. I don’t like the neighbours constantly BBQ’ing and allowing the smell of BBQ to waft all over the place so that then I want to eat BBQ food and my family want to eat BBQ food and they wont eat my non BBQ food and dinner time just becomes a greater big ball of disappointment and my non BBQ food doesn’t get eaten.
  • The shorts argument I have I every year with myself. How does one actually wear shorts? Is there a cut off age? Where do you even buy decent shorts? I spend a ridiculous amount of time thinking about shorts but not wearing shorts. This is time that could be used better. 
  • The hair removal. So much more time-consuming in the Summer. Constant. Feckin’. Leg Shaving. ALL THE TIME. Not to mention the whole fake tan not to fake tan, which fake tan, time-consuming musings.
  • The “I am not going to bed, its bright” argument I have with my children every second night from April to October every year.

All of these are minor though,I realise that. Also I think these are problems a lot of people can identify with. My main irritant about Summertime is one that for some reason doesn’t seem to bother anyone else but it bothers me greatly or rather they bother me greatly. Wood Pigeons. Big huge, fat, hedonistic wood pigeons who spend a lot of time in my garden in the Summer months having sex.  I hate them. Detest them.

woodpigeon01

Feel free to read the following in a David Attenborough voice…….

They land in garden and march around. Preening and flirting. I can hear them walking on the ground, this is how big they are. Then the sex starts on the tree outside my window. Then the sex stops. Then the sex starts again. All day non stop riding from two fat pigeons. They don’t eat , they ride. They don’t fly, they ride. They don’t do whatever birds are meant to do, they ride.

Then they mock me. They don’t fly away when I roar at them. They smirk, then go and have another ride. They think my garden is the only place for sex in the Summer.

They are HUGE, super sized pigeons. I don’t think its coincidental that the number of missing small dogs posters multiply in the Summer months. I know these fat, care free, pigeons are swooping down and grabbing and eating these beloved pets to fuel their sex fests.

I was going to take a photograph of them , then I realised not only am I talking about them, I am now writing about them and photographing them too just seemed a step too close to insanity. Luckily I found one online. Bird porn. This is what is outside my window all summer long.

images (10)

All Summer this is what will be happening. Doesn’t matter where I go in the house I can hear or see them. At it. Just having sex all the long day, not working, not cleaning, not paying bills or food shopping or breaking up arguments, just riding and most likely judging me on my not so active sex life. They have that look about them. They make eye contact at me and sneer, then go and have another ride.

If there is anybody else out there who gets deeply irritated about the 50 Shades of Pigeon Love in their garden every Summer, feel free to get in touch, maybe we could start a support group or something?