I am on a quest to be more organised this school year. Like most new year resolutions they will fall by the way side soon but so far so ok. The husband has taken over the lunch making in the mornings and I am getting as much ready the night before- thats the extent of my organisation, but it has been working. So normal  before school/ work chaos this morning, all going semi well ,until bang the 45 minutes between 7.30am and 8.15am- all of the following happened.

• The youngest decided she wasnt wearing the pre planned outfit. Mild mini breakdown, new outfit chosen and she got into it.
• The boy, he of missing schoolbag fame, misplaced his school shoes. Got him fully dressed bar the shoes. Took deep breaths.
• Ran upstairs, silently praising my new super organisational skills and was dressed and semi presentable within four minutes. During the four minutes I shouted downstairs ten times that who ever found the boys school shoes would get a euro.
• Upon my return downstairs the youngest had added a tutu to her outfit. Asked her to take it off. She cried. I thought about crying. She took it off.
• Walked into the sitting room, the boy who had I left freshly dressed minutes earlier, was lying on the ground beside the dogs bed with the dog. His uniform is navy, the dog is white/golden. The sound I made was a new one for me, or possibly for any human, ever. The dog turned around and put his back to me. Then thought better of it and decamped fully to the garden.The boy had as much hair on him as the dog.
• Full blown all out rage and hysterics  diverted by the triumphant shouts from the playroom of the seven-year old who had located the school shoes. Relief. The boy has no other shoes at present as the ever shedding dog has eaten them all. The boy is saved from the ridicule of wearing his sisters shoes to school.  Triumphant sounds were quickly drowned out by the three-year old crying again because she wanted to ” win the euro”. Note to self to  stop bribing the  kids and make them look after their things.

What I lose per week to my children via bribery

• We were starting  to verge into possibly being late territory.  Ironically, my kids are sticklers for rules outside the house. The thoughts of being late for school genuinely upsets them. The laugh in the face of rules while at home.
• Brushed the eldest’s hair. Minimal debate and negotiation and a quick run through the benefits of a standard ponytail over plaits.
• Rugby tackled  the youngest so I could catch her and hold her still to do her  hair.  I don’t brush her hair so much in the morning. Negotiation and debates take just too much time. Time I do not have at 8am. Sadly this morning the grab and tie motion failed to suppress two of the three dreadlock style tangles she is currently sporting. Two stuck up in large lumps. The boy kindly pointed this out to her. Managed to divert another breakdown with the addition of clips. Hair is not my forte.
• The boy meanwhile was trying to make his hair stick up in the hall mirror. His sticky up hair went beautifully with the uniform covered in dog hair. I used my other top hairdressing skill of licking my hand and trying to smooth out his hair. Tried to remove some of the dog hair from him. Gave up. Glanced down. All the hair I removed from the boy had attached itself to my black dress. Ran upstairs and changed into another black dress. A shorter one that required thicker tights. Emptied two drawers finding thicker tights.
• Left the house. Went back into house for the boys bag. Left the house again.
• Wasp flew into tiny space between my sunglasses and my eyeball. More screaming and roaring from me.Wasp leaves, eye unharmed.

Via naturefota-cz.com

• I imagine the conversation the neighbours are having about my mental health. I can expect another sympathetic look over the garden wall soon and a hushed “Its hard with young kids, are you ok?” conversation on the way soon.
• My car is sick but I have a lend of my mother in laws car for the week which I am very very grateful for but it is one-third the size of mine. The argument over who was sitting where broke out. I snapped. Roared at the eldest, the girl, who had been nothing but helpful all morning and had caused me no trouble. Her face dropped, guilt consumed me. Seat belts got stuck. I climbed into the back. At this stage all four of us where in the back of a small car. My arse locked the door and my foot got trapped under a seat. Extracted myself, apologised profusely to the eldest for shouting, guilt still washing over me.
• Spent the five minutes in traffic trying to remove dog hair from the boys trousers. Another note to self- remove any trace of dog hair from mother in laws car before she comes home from holiday. Fingers crossed she doesn’t read this.

The boys hair looked more styled than above. No highlights on the plus side.

• Get to school- last-ditch attempt to make the boy look semi respectable. Fails. He walks off looking like he is wearing a teddy bear suit  with hair that resembles that of a boy band member. I bend down to give  another apology to my eldest before she leaves me, can feel draft directly on my bum even through the extra thick tights – dress definitely too short. Guilt still hurting me because I really roared at her  and she says “S’ok Mammy, I love you”. Physical pain of guilt as she walks away. She looks back and gives me a thumbs up and a huge smile, pain goes.

It’s not easy, is it?

I could have done without all of the above this morning. Not the best start to a Tuesday.