My 20 Year Quest for the Perfect Shampoo and Conditioner


I have been buying shampoo and conditioner for about twenty years now. When it comes to purchasing hair product, I am a marketeers dream. It doesn’t matter how many times I have been let down with their empty promises and bewitching descriptions in the past, hair product advertising continues to suck me in and make me believe that whatever shampoo being pimped to me will revolutionise my hair and despite years of falling for their empty promises, my spirit has not been fully crushed and I still continue to believe.

This months crushing disappointment came courtesy of Garnier Ultimate Blends shampoo and conditioner. I was practically yelping with excitement when I saw these in the supermarket…..

photo (44)Silky smoother and Sleek Restorer with vanilla milk and papaya, coconut oil and cocoa butter. The bottle’s had me sold. Obviously these bad boys were going to transfer my dry frizzy hair into the hair of a super model. I opened the bottles for a sniff in the supermarket aisle, the smell of the shampoo immediately transferred me to a beautiful image where I was skipping through a meadow with my hair flowing and glistening around me, the conditioner conjured images of an amazon goddess with sleek amazing hair. This hair would soon be mine. I   lovingly placed them in my trolley and somehow managed to contain my excitement for the rest of the day before finally getting the chance to wash my hair….. I did not look like a frolicking meadow girl nor an amazon goddess. My hair was clean, smelt overpowering and remained frizzy and 80’s rock band member like . Crushing disappointment once more. No wonder it was 50% off in the supermarket.

what my hair looks like on bad days

what my hair looks like on bad days

At least they didn’t cost a fortune because that crushing disappointment is a whole lot worse when you splash out on shampoo and conditioner. I have had pay day purchases of 20 euro bottles that have left me with average hair and  feelings of sinking despair for spending so much and them not fulfilling their promises. The only thing worse than this is finding a really expensive shampoo and conditioner that works and forgetting to hide it.

How I think my hair will look when I buy new shampoo and conditioner

How I think my hair will look when I buy new shampoo and conditioner

Too many times I have forgotten to do this only to realise when my daughters come downstairs after the husband washes their hair smelling of premium hair product with the husband announcing he needed to put half a bottle of conditioner in because their hairs were so tangled………Ive have brushed their hair and simmered with rage knowing that a 20 euro bottle of my conditioner was used. I am selfish like that.

The lies from kids hair products are just as outlandish. Detangling sprays? LIES. They don’t work. “No More Tears” LIES. The only way one of my children won’t cry when getting her hair washed is if is she was sedated and you can’t do that anymore since they changed the rules on Dozal.

Despite 2o years of falling for lies and living through all the disappointment, I still persevere though on my quest, for every now and then ,I find a diamond in the rough. There was an amazing VO5 shampoo a few years ago that genuinely did make me look like I just stepped out of the salon and it was ridiculously cheap. I suspect only myself and little old ladies bought it and it was discontinued though. That was a sad day for my hair but remembering the high when I realised how good the shampoo made my hair look keeps me going through the darks days of average shampoo and conditioner emblazoned with empty promises on their bottles. The quest continues…….


12 thoughts on “My 20 Year Quest for the Perfect Shampoo and Conditioner

  1. Four Walls, Rainy Days says:

    I’m currently on the same quest. I was recommended that Mane and Tail shampoo, the stuff thats meant to make your hair super incredible, strong and shiny (and somewhat horselike going on the bottle). I have super fine hair. It managed to give me dreadlocks and wrecked the texture of my hair, despite doing wonders for everyone else. Onwards we search!

  2. Wonderful Wagon says:

    Yep, seems a lot of people have this problem/addiction/crushing disappointment. HOWEVER, have a go of the Argon shampoos and conditioners found at the counter in any Penneys store. About a fiver a bottle (a LOT more than I would normally spend) but I have stashed mine in the safe I recently got built into the shower wall. No-one will use them except me! bahahahaha

  3. Awfully Chipper says:

    I went to school with a girl who had perfect Timotei hair. I’ve seen her on FB recently. She still does. I think she probably sold her soul to the devil. Have you considered that option?

  4. socialbridge says:

    My late mother had the most beautiful burnished gold hair and went for a whole year without washing it at all. It became even more beautiful and what’s more it held it’s colour until she died aged 88. She claimed that that year (when she was about 60) was the key. So, maybe give it a try now! I kid you not.

  5. SusieChopstick says:

    I have waist length hair, and it’s difficult to find the right conditioner etc that doesn’t cost the earth. Only one bottle of shampoo did a FANTASTIC job on my hair back when I was about 20- a bottle of blue shampoo that was called Pumpkinseed shampoo. I’ve never been able to find it again, and I’ve searched. I understand your quest for the perfect conditioner because mine either leave so much residue behind that my hair is dull and looks wet or doesn’t work at all so that I look like the picture above with the frizzy hair…

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