Boobs Vs Blow

The new one is 8 weeks old now. We are emerging from the lovely newborn stage. A thought struck me recently, breastfeeding has many similarities with getting stoned especially in the early days, I would imagine*

* if I leave out an I imagine or an apparently make sure to add it in, in your head.




The High

You spend a lot of time on the couch or in bed, feeling relaxed. Two hormones are responsible for milk production,prolactin and oxytocin. You are swamped in these hormones. Prolactin is known as the mothering hormone, it’s the one that makes you feel sleepy and relaxed. Oxytocin is known as the love hormone, this is the one that gives you that falling in love high. Combined, well they can leave you in that delicious loved up dazed and content state. I have always found breastfeeding a huge de-stresser. Some times ( and there are many) when it all gets too much, I sit down, I feed the baby and all is ok with the world again. You’ve got to love feeling relaxed, mood enhanced, lying on the couchness. It could be compared to feeling high. The high and relaxation one might get from cannabis.

Mindless TV

With all the lying around, you need the remote control in hand. Similar to how one might need the remote to watch mindless tv or a movie or boxset when stoned.

The Munchies

Dear god, the munchies I get when feeding, especially at the beginning, are unbelievable. I can and do eat everything. Food tastes amazing, especially after having nine months of food tasting like sawdust. All the food, I love all the food. Apparently, when stoned, all the food is also amazing.

The Naps

Obviously with all the eating, mindless tv and eating, naps are required. I believe naps are also nice when high and its easier to drift off.

The Doing As Little As Possible- ness 

Did you ever see a stoner scrubbing a bathroom or ironing? Me either. Same when you are establishing breastfeeding. You HAVE to be on the couch or in bed tucked up with your baby with breaks for eating and the mindless tv.

How Breastfeeding and Getting Stoned Differ

  • Breastfeeding- very healthy. Smoking joints- not so healthy.
  • Breastfeeding- free. Buying cannabis can be pricey to achieve the same level of highness several times per day.
  • Breastfeeding – easily accessible. Cannabis not so much. If I wanted to buy drugs now, how would I even do that? And even if I did find a dealer, sure Id have to bring all my kids with me in my bus. That would be frowned upon, I would imagine.
  • Breastfeeding- legal. Getting stoned- illegal.
  • Breastfeeding- mostly all the food is handed to you. Stoned- you would need a slave ( also illegal) to continuously get you food or you would have to get it yourself and this would really cut into your on the couch, watching tv time.
  • Weight- you can get away with eating a lot more food due to the extra calories needed when feeding, again, especially when establishing feeding. Eating all the food when stoned leads to rapid weight gain.** For example, I know someone who went to Amsterdam for four days after they got married. They had been dieting to try to fit into  their wedding dress.  They may have broken a world record in rapid weight gain and managed to gain 10 pounds as a result of those four days.

** may or may not be me.


In conclusion, in my experience, breastfeeding provides many many of the advantages to getting high and none of the downsides that regular drug use can bring about.

Boobs rock.

boob may

16 thoughts on “Boobs Vs Blow

  1. Lorna says:

    Totally agree – I often thought if they could bottle the lactating hormone, they’d make a fortune, never felt so relaxed in my life

  2. 1perriwinkle says:

    You forgot to mention how everyone says nice things to you/smiles at you when you’re breastfeeding (except the stupid people) while everyone gives out about/frowns at the stoners (except, again, the stupid people. Although very likely two different types of stupid people) 🙂

  3. tric says:

    I too think that apparently the two have major similarities. But what would I know! 🙂 However this is oh so vvv true. What a great post. I’m not sure which I miss most… in my imagination of course.

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